Bring in a strand of hair and a
recent photograph of whoever you want replicated. In one hour you will be presented
with an exact copy. There are some considerations before you clone people or pets. The cloned copies we present to you will be exact in every way, in age, appearance and behavior. If your boyfriend or husband is lazy or does not satisfy you sexually, the cloned copy will also be a slacker or a limp fish. If your girlfriend or wife thinks that the purpose of life is to shop or critiques the ceiling paint during sex, the cloned copy will also be Michelleangelo or will attempt suicide while reading The Fall of the Mall. If your pooch barks at everything and everybody, and your purring friend claws only the nice furniture, their clones too will be howlers and shredders. Now for the best part. For an extra charge (money well spent), 1 Hour Cloning will perform additional DNA manipulation. Our patented process eliminates all memory while still retaining age and appearance. We can create a perfect clone of a person or pet without the baggage of the past. Now imagine the man or woman of your dreams, perhaps a co-worker or someone you notice at a party or at the gym Saturday morning. Perhaps it is someone you are attracted to, who wants nothing to do with you. Just think. What if you could return to a person who really turned you on, but broke up with or divorced you. Think of the possibilities! Remember, all we need is a strand of hair and a recent photograph. 1 Hour Cloning reserves the right to limit the number of cloned people or pets. We clone dogs and cats only. Please, no farm animals. The collection of hair and picture taking is the responsibility of our 1 Hour Cloning clients. 1 Hour Cloning is not liable for any citation or legal costs stemming from altercations or action brought by people or pet owners in the collection of hair or photos. Stop by any one of the 1,138 1 Hour Cloning offices. Contact David Neumann at SayPlay.com for an office near you. __________________________________
Dr. Chuck Darwin
Dr. Darwin continues...
There is much controversy surrounding Dr.
Darwin's belief that the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden was a
banana rather then an apple. Dr. Darwin's latest book, which is
entitled "I Hold the Scripture with My Opposable Thumb," has been
met favorably by the Intelligent Design community. Dr. Darwin
recently married the former Miss Kansas, now an executive with Find
Your Missing Link, a dating service for all primates, with special
attention to the Great Apes. Dr. Darwin's knuckles hurt at the end
of the day from walking, and his daydreams of finding a rope and old
tire to swing on occur all too often. Still he knows that his devout
faith will get him through. On the lighter side, he has just agreed
to consult for the new television program "Monkey Makeover." Dr.
Darwin is best known for his impassioned, uplifting message to the
youth of America. "Whether you are a chimpanzee, a gorilla, an
orangutan or a human, you can grow up to be President of the United
The Vatican Times
People taking communion at the Vatican is up
280% ever since strudel and beer replaced the traditional wafer and
wine. Don't expect to see the Pope in lederhosen any time soon,
although plans are going ahead for a Vatican Octoberfest. Rumors are
flying that the Pope will play the tuba to open the
festival.It has been known for some time that Pope
Benedict XVl is quite the music buff. Vatican officials had to
pursuade him not to sing at his inaguration. He so wanted to sing
his version of the song that Barbra Streisand made famous-"papal,
papal who need papal, are the luckiest papal in the world."
Important Scientific Discovery
continues...Was it something I said
team of anthropologists and archaeologists recently discovered that
the key component in the well known drug Viagra is a natural
substance that was abundant on earth some 800,000 years ago. Roughly
the time that scientists believe Man started walking erect. Thus,
Viagra users are commonly referred to as Homo
Should have said
Something I didn't say
But you thought you heard
checked with hospitals
-they all said you just left
I even called my
contact on Mars
to see if you were on any abduction list
then I thought you didn't answer my calls
had caller ID and you kept
a record of my home, business, fax
and cell numbers
I thought of driving around the city looking
for obscure phone booths that you may not have a record of
-like a fugitive looking for a safe house.
If money is the root of all evil-
"what do you think, money grows on trees."
Then why do we
cherish gold leaf-
Forget the tech stocks. How do I invest in the
company that makes those little signs that read "next window
please." Can you imagine, you're ready to go. The note is written.
You've said your good-byes. You're on the 43rd floor of a highrise,
ready to jump and everywhere you look it says "next window please."
Which gets me back to banks, the post office and a woman sitting
next to me in a bar who I turn to and ask "what's your sign?" I
can't believe what she said. Now I hate banks, the post office AND
bars. And I haven't been in any structure over 2 stories high since.
As for investing, I'm still waiting for my "next window" of
A copyright lawyer is walking along the shore
of a lake when he suddenly hears someone scream "Help!." The
copyright lawyer sees where the scream is coming from and calls out
"the word 'help' alone has been taken. Use the word in a sentence or
phrase. Maybe we can find something there." The person then screams
"Help, I'm drowning." The copyright lawyer calls out "Sorry, I'M has
also been taken, but try I AM drowning. We might have something
there." By then, the person had slipped below the surface of the
water. All the copyright lawyer heard now was " Blub, Blub, Blub,
Blub." The copyright lawyer calls out "Blubs one through three have
been taken, but you can definitely have the four successive Blubs.
I'll get the copyright registration process going first thing in the
Classical Muzak Blues
you Haydn from me
I need your help
I'm so Baroque
SayPlay Custom Tubing
Just give us your
company's name or significant other's name. We will handsomely
inscribe whatever you wish on our great selection of beautiful
tubing. We at SayPlay Custom Tubing want to be there for you if your
business or relationship "goes down the tubes."
Sometimes we are just plain animals-
"Do you think I'm lion to you? Trust me deer. I would never
cheetah on you. After all, life is gibbon take."
From now on, everyone will be issued a hand
truck, so that your desk goes wherever you go. I never again want to
hear "I'm sorry, he's away from his desk."
Death death death death death, death death
-a death sentence