Welcome to the SayPlayhouse
November 2017

"I promise to be everything to everyone and nothing to no one"



Talk to me!

Have you noticed in stores that heads of Iceberg Lettuce are getting smaller and smaller-
more proof of global warming.


I recently earned my online Collage degree- majored in Cut and Paste

I just had a near life experience- scared the hell out of me.

My cash cow suffers from "Zero Balance" disease!

I had to leave my job as a masseur when I realized that I "rub people the wrong way."

SayPlay is guaranteed for now or forever- whichever comes first

"Whenever I'm on earth, I stay at the SayPlayhouse."
-Red Planitt of the Martian Times Herald

"It took long enough! Where have you been? I told you, you could park in the driveway. Anyway ... It's good that you are here. We can get your bags later. For now, come in and make yourself at home."

Do you think I'm lion?
I would never cheetah on you.
After all,
life is gibbon take.

save a plant!

the all new SayPlayer shirts

I just attented a Bipolar therapy party.
Everyone stood on one side of the room.
And then... Everyone stood on the other side.


Jewish conjoined twins are separated

Tired of arguing for 40 years...read on

Poker in Outer Space?

Plans are going ahead for a casino that will orbit the earth. read on

save a relationship!
(or make a good one even better)


Circumcision recall

All male circumcisions performed in the United States between the years...

read on


1 Hour Cloning

Bring in a strand of hair and a recent photograph of whoever you want replicated. In one hour you will be presented with an exact copy.

read on

Radio Shack changes name
Introduces HEAVO

In a bold move, Radio Shack announced today that it is changing its name to "TV Condo". Sources say the name change reflects the new face of today's consumer. The business community is excited about the name change. People are already talking about Radio Shack as something of the past. To coincide with the name change, a much anticipated device called HEAVO will make its formal entry into mainstream America. HEAVO is a revolutionary hand held device. It allows you to fast forward conversations with boring people. A push of a button gets you through a bad relationship or a dead end job. Never again will you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Simply fast forward to better times. Now, whatever you don't like gets the HEAVO. Find HEAVO exclusively at TV Condo stores.

Important Scientific Discovery

A team of anthropologists and archaeologists recently discovered... read on

The Fear List

Arachnophobia - fear of spiders

Claustrophobia - fear of being in closed spaces

Achluophobia - fear of being in darkness

Brontophobia - fear of thunder

Acrophobia - fear of heights

Aerophobia - fear of flying

Agoraphobia - fear of open spaces or fear of leaving home

Mysophobia - fear of germs or dirt

Demophobia - fear of being in crowded places

Xenophobia - fear of strangers

Bathmophobia - fear of stairs or steep slopes

Hippophobia - fear of horses

2003-2014 David Neumann.

The SayPlay.com website and it's entire content with the exception of the content of the Fear List represents the sole work of David Neumann. No copy, art or product may be altered, reproduced or sold in part or in full for any purpose without the expressed written consent of David Neumann.

Sayplay.com or David Neumann will not at any time share or sell personal information or email addresses. Any information or address given to me by you is solely for corresponce between you and me for a specific purpose.


College Brain
Want to be shocked? Stand in a bucket of water and put your finger into an empty light socket. Want to be really shocked? Take a look at the
College Brain

Club Nurotik
Where love is in the air and everyone has a beautiful...

"Ask David"

What will I be when I grow up? Will I ever grow up? Is love in the air or is that pollen? Will money buy happiness? (if so, please send me a loan application.) Does my vertical striped dress really make me look thinner? Is it true that men who wear jockey shorts are more likely to go to the racetrack? How far should I go on the fifth date? Should I get contact lenses to match the color of my car or my ipod?

For Free Advice,
Send your very own questions to:

See The